Tomorrow we need a Golden Retrieval

• This a.m.

So we triggered last night and were able to confirm with a HPT that the HCG is in my system. It was funny, after so many years of negative HPT we were tickled to see 2 lines on a test! Pretty pathetic I know, but it's the little things that make us happy.

• After work today:

When I left work today I felt like a kid before Christmas morning, lots of anticipation, I am praying that the "packages" (follies) aren't empty this go round!

After I got home from work I took a shower and called the DH upstairs and asked him to give me a back/leg rub down. I am so tense from work stress I felt like needed a good transition into what's important. I told DH that he's lucky because lots of women are paying for acupuncture and professional massages. He said that I'm getting acupuncture from him.. ha..more like just puncture! Anyway, much to my relaxing delight DH hit play on the meditation CD in our alarm clock and gave me quite the rub down! He used massage tricks that I didn't even know he had...leave it to DH to hold out the good stuff for when it really counts. Anyhow...It was heavenly and now I smell like spiced pumpkin. Can't beat it!

• Analyze this:

Tonight my aunt came over to spend the night to be here in the morning with our daughter while we are at the clinic... (which I really appreciate), so as we were getting ready to eat dinner (health food "AKA" pizza) she says to me in a very excited voice "I forgot to tell you, guess what, my friend Amy at church is pregnant".... (crickets from my side of the table) it just kind of struck me as "bad timing" for that kind of comment. Thankfully I am normally not sensitive to random acts of pregnancy but sometimes the good news of someone else's pregnancy just catches me off guard and it's like a kick in the gut. In this instance, there wasn't a kick, but I am guilty of not responding enthusiastically because it just seemed like such a random thing to tell me the day before IVF retrieval #2. I'll have to as DH later what he thought of that little announcement.

More on the above situation...I've analyzed my feelings and reactions to other peoples good news of pregnancy, I was over the moon (and with loving sisterly envy) for my sis when they became pregnant with my nephew who is now 17 months old (and we are not only aunt/uncle but God parents too), and also again when she become pg with her 2nd child (due in April '08)...I think it's because I feel like her children are a part of me, I adore them and they are family (those that know me would tell you that there not many "beings" that I want to lick the cheeks of and nibble the fingers of...my nephew qualifies!) With my sister being pregnant it has brought to the surface all my feelings of desperately wanting a child with my husband along with the desire to add our DNA stamp to our wonderful families.

Now I sometimes do feel emotional..like I can't breathe, and once in a while some tears fall over the good news announcements from mine or my husbands friends that are more on the acquaintance level.

In general I care about people, I feel their happiness and also their pain. But for reasons that I am very thankful for, I just don't feel emotional when someone I have no connection to at all becomes PG. So with all this being typed out it made me realize that I was just irritated with my aunt for so eagerly telling me about her friends pregnancy. But that's my aunt for you, God love her. :)

• On to brighter things.....

My next post will be with results of the retrieval.....if anyone happens upon this blog before 10am on 11/15/08 please keep your fingers crossed for good follicles and a happy union of sperm and egg! And thanks for reading.