Need to Have No Fear, but HOW?

I haven't been able to post to my blog anything "meaty" since last week because in the evenings when I've had a moment I've been drop down tired. I am happy to be writing here this evening...

I haven't had cramps really or any pain worth mentioning outside of my intense shopping trip after work on Friday. I wanted to just grab a new outfit for Saturday and 2 hours later I was still shopping and started having strong painful cramps/like ovarian type pains like I had when I was on the stim meds. So I abandoned the shopping mission and headed home to rest. The cramps went away. I hope I didn't do any damage - thoughts on that anyone, just ovarian issues?


11/24/08 -> 8 days post transfer, today I had my progesterone level tested: Results = 18 (I am relieved)

I'd like to post my symptoms to see what you guys think... please let me know if any of this looks outside of the normal symptoms related to progesterone shots. (my shots are once a day .50 cc)

• Virtually no cramps or aches (except for periods of extended activity, which I think is related to the still enlarged ovaries)
• Very frequent urination (at night and during the day)
• I am more "regular" than normal (thought I was supposed to be constipated)
• Very sore/tender breasts at night as soon as the bra comes off only
• Lack of appetite, no cravings for anything
• Operating on little sleep so I'm tired (related to the frequent trips to the toilet at night)

So far the 2ww is going by pretty quickly for me, I've been busy so I think it's helped, also as the final leg of the 2ww starts we are traveling to the in-laws for Thanksgiving, returning home on Saturday, so I bet Monday will be looking me in the eye at lightning pace.

My husband is confident, so sure this has worked, so happy about me being pregnant. He considers me pregnant already. However, his overconfidence has added to my feeling of outright fear. I don't want to let him down. I know I won't be blamed, but I know I will feel self blame. I do feel hopeful and I want this so badly, it's hard to even imagine that this has worked at the same time. I guess I haven't been able to let myself feel that way.

I have my first Beta on Monday. I fear the results like I've never feared anything in my life. I'm so afraid of BFN that I can't think straight. I'm so afraid. This is why I won't do a HPT this weekend.

When the nurse called me today w/ the progesterone results she said I could write "STAT" on the BETA test on Monday, so we'll know on Monday. I think I'm going to work from home on Monday so that when we get the call we hear the news together.

If you pray, please pray, if you hope, please hope, if you wish, please wish, if you pray, hope & wish please pray, hope & wish!